Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She even gives head with a lisp.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
