for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
