Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
