Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
