don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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