If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
