I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
