Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
