stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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