I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
