you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I supernannyed him into submission
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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