i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
