Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
