I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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