why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
