quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
