My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
