How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
