he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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