the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
