just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
