You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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