WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
