two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
