Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
