Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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