don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
