i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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