I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
