..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
