Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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