My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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