I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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