I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
