I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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