Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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