you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
