i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
