Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
