DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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