You smell like stripper and shame
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
