She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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