When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
