she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
