no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
