new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
