But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
