i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
