I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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