I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
