Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
