I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
