it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
